SCRIBES OF ANGEL
Fan Fiction
________________________________
More Than
Fire
by Ducks
I don't know what this is, exactly... it's kind of a poem,
but also kind of a story...
Rating? Um... well, the sex is pretty existential and abstract,
but, um... I guess it's still sex, so...at least R. No minors,
please. Chances are, nobody will know what the heck I'm babbling about,
anyway...
This is kind of like channeling Angel on acid. *shrug* Hey,
I just write 'em...
Don't bother suing. Really not worth the $5.00 to file the
papers. Joss doesn't care about 'em anymore, anyway.
So, on to the epistemological smutty mush.
Oh, and a little hint: I was thinking about fire...
This is more than fire... the way I burn whenever I am near her...
more than searing flames that consume me, and turn me to ash... this fire does
far worse damage to my animated corpse...
Watching her body grow rigid in recognition... her head slowly
rises, and turns, and her soft golden curls fall gently into a halo around her
smiling face.
She knows I am there. And I explode... like the first time,
every time.
This is more than the fire in her eyes... Their misty green depths
cut through me like rays... I catch a breath I don't need, and my hands clench
into fists... My nails dig in until I can smell my own blood...
Even my blood smells of her... because hers flows through me.
When I remember how to move again, I draw closer. I can hear
the demon screaming, raging inside of me. Even it... no, especially it...
wants her. Starves for her... Even when I hated her, I needed her.
She is always happy to see me. Her body language begins to
open up... her muscles relax, the tiniest bit... her arms open wide to me.
Her body's warmth envelopes me... more than fire, burning me... I
am almost alive again, with the heat of her. She leans her lips to me...
the current crackles in the air between us as our mouths find each other...
Like the first time... when I could do nothing, in that perfect
moment, the moon's light glinting like a smile off her living eyes... I had
to. I had no other choice but to take her in my arms...
The words don't matter. They never did... all the things
we've said to one another... they mean nothing in the face of this unbreakable,
burning bond between us.
I breathe her in... her aroma, warm and sweet, like cookies... she
tastes like a shot of Tequila Rose...
She greets me with some words or another, but it hardly
matters. The first thing I always tell her is, "I love you."
Just so she never forgets I am thinking of her. "Ar thine..."
'On fire...', I tell her.
Her smile shifts, changes, a little. She knows what I
mean... her warm fingers, her tiny, strong fingers, snake around mine.
She knows this fire... she shares it with me.
Sometimes I'll let her talk me into dancing... some slow groove or
another... I put my arms around her, and pull her close, like the first time...
Her heart pounds and her breath quickens as I hold her, and her
mind doesn't even know yet how on fire she already is, for me...
Her body... her soul... her heart... all of her knows me
immediately, before her brain even realizes I am here.
It's a defense mechanism, I think... She protects herself from me
for a long time... she is alert, ready, looking for the first sign of some
change in me, some warning, some signal of impending danger...
It takes a long time for her to relax into me... before she can
trust me, again. After all these years, the Slayer still fears me.
But Buffy has learned to let go...
"Leannan... gra... mo croi..." I whisper to her.
For some reason, my mother tongue sooths her. It doesn't matter that the
words are nonsense to her ears... the words have never mattered anyway.
It's more than fire... the hearth... more than sweet solace...
more than shelter, more than warmth, safety or sustenance... The way I feel
about her is my home... the only place I've ever belonged... the only place
I've ever longed to return to.
I would gladly die the final death, just to see her smile at me
that way, one more time.
And every night, she does. She knows... she understands this
fire that nourishes and destroys... the flame that lights the Phoenix's wings
and sets him into the flight of rebirth...
She softens and welcomes me... caresses my cheek or traces my
lips... she already knows we are undone... destroyed... hurtling toward some
far ahead certainty of our own tragic, once and for all, end. But the
fire of eternity burns between us... perhaps, in the beyond, we will still
burn... still ache...
It's so much more than light... each smooth inch of her that
appears to my adoring eyes is another sun rising... making me miss the golden
light of day less, each time I touch her.
She is much more than a vessel, haunted by me. Her soft
sighs... her reverent chanting that reinvents my name...
She is more than the mold I pour my soul into... more than the
reception of the original union that created the universe... Much more than
primordial, this fire...it was before even the demons walked here... this call
to one another was sung before the first living cell divided.
I love her... this woman... this human... this living being...
this soul that is the other half of me...
Even when I am full of her, I still hunger... I still burn...
hotter than bloodlust, and infinitely sweeter...
United, we are more than ourselves... we burn together...
Our fire is a beacon to draw all that is right, and cast away the
dark shadows...When I fight beside her, I am faster... stronger... more
alert. I am a better warrior from my years of fighting at the Slayer's
side... the protégé of the greatest warrior who ever lived.
She moves like a cat, with fists of iron. She crushes her
opponent... but more often than not, she outwits it, first...
When the battle is done, and her heart slows again, she looks into
my eyes. I know she feels the fire, too. Some nights... nights with
endless stars and crazy moons... some times I'll just take her, there, in the
grass, like an animal claiming its mate...and she responds in kind, for her
body immediately recognizes this dance...
We share everything... our fears, our dreams, our pain... There
are no more secrets between us.
Sometimes we just lie in bed, side by side, and look up at the
stars through the ceiling.
We just lie there and burn.
More than fire... and longer than fire has been, there has been
This.
Gra... love.